Emotional Liposuction- My Chi Kung/ Qigong Hangover

For years after reading the bible, I mean Conscious Choice (now Mindful Metropolis) I stared at that last page. It lured me like a luxurious spa vacation I felt I couldn't afford and didn't deserve.

What was Emotional Liposuction anyway? A way to release your old emotional baggage you have stored away in the tangible- your muscle memory & less tangible- your soul.

When I saw the chi kung practitioner at Green Festival yesterday I knew I was game. Sure, I watched a grown man, neck muscles clenched, scream through a wash rag. Yes, it looks crazy painful, no false advertising. Nonetheless, I daydreamed about the spiritual and physical reward as I waited in line.

Once it was my turn I was more concerned about peeing my pants (I was never tortured before- how did I know?) than anything else. Flashbacks of Slumdog fill my head. Buck up Jen, you birthed two children and ran two marathons... it can only last 30 minutes. He said so.

It's simple. When he presses on an area if there isn't pain, there isn't an issue. If there is pain, we work it out. So what didn't I have? (The bright side to start!) I did not have fear (nice!) nor did I have guilt (are you kidding me? raised in a staunch Catholic community where shame was served in three course meals? SWEET!)

So what did I have to work out...

1. Sorrow... if you have read any of my archived blogs you probably understand this was a given for me. The sorrow is located near your right rib under your armpit. It was a little painful when he jammed his finger into the source by after a minute or so it released. Piece of cake!

2. Abandonment... without a doubt. The death of my father made a big impact on my childhood as well as some of the old assumptions I am battling with today. Now this area is at the xiphoid (thanks Dr. Kim for my anatomy lesson yesterday) and it burns like it's on fire as he digs into it. More burning and heaviness. Thankfully after a while it releases.

3. Rage... few people probably realize that I was a very timid child growing up. Easily spooked and would throw up on a dime (an action that I cannot bring myself to perform as an adult. I'll make a pact with the devil beforehand). In retrospect I can see how my father's problem with rage played a role in my lifelong issues with anxiety. I am not a fan of yelling at all. So what is the alternative when you get angry or upset? In the past I ate it and put it somewhere hidden so that it wouldn't scare me. Now I accept the emotional scavenger hunt, finding all the keys to those locked places so I can let them go.

When he touched the area of my rage, the right rib closer to the chest, I jumped as if I had been stabbed. Now that, my friends, is real pain. I tried my little mind-over-matter technique (that I used when giving birth & getting my tattoo) several times but my mind would snap back every time he would say "Get it out!" I tried to breathe. I tried to scream. I tried to growl like he suggested. At one point I wondered if he actually removed the rib as waves of pain nearly made me say uncle. But if you know me, you know I'd never say such a thing. Unexpectedly he moved to...

4. Bitterness... there is no explaining this one. The moment he dug into bitterness, I involuntary screamed and it is all I could do. Keep screaming & screaming & screaming. It wasn't the pain, it was all I could do. I've never felt that before. As I watched the video later, I truly surprised myself. That was me?

5. Back to Rage... uh oh... now sore and feeling like he was playing guitar with my ribs, I closed my eyes to imagine William Wallace in the final scene of Braveheart. If there wasn't a rag stuffed in my mouth I would have screamed "FREEDOM!" but instead my plain old scream did the trick and it was over.

Once I was done I felt like I smoked a whole lot of youknowwhat and the whole expo bustling with thousands of chattering people went dead silent. I remember walking around looking at people and just smiling. I even talked to a few, but nothing much mattered. I just wandered into the sunshine, walking on the clouds that lifted me from underneath my feet.

My endorphin high lasted for quite a while as I walked down Navy Pier, my thoughts empty and at peace. Today I am a little sore but enjoyed the best sleep of my life and am ready to go back and see the rest of the Green Festival. I have turned a corner where I am responsible for what goes in and what goes out. All lighter than ever before.